Welcome to the World Kaylee!

I am not even sure I can actually put into words what it means to have a baby. I would have put money on Kaylee not coming that day, so that shows what my mindset was. I had been feeling contractions for the past few days, but I wasn't progressing so this was just another day of some pains feeling worse than others.

My lovely husband had brought me Mcdonalds for dinner and while I was eating my nurse had come in to check on me. She noticed that I was holding my breath through contractions. She asked how long I had been doing that and it had been about an hour. She said that she would be right back. When she came back she said they were moving me to labor and delivery. Now I had been in the postpartum ward for a few days and the last time they moved me I sat in labor and delivery for a few days before being moved right back because nothing was happening. I figured this was going to be the same case.

When we got to labor and delivery I told my nurse that I didn't think it was happening and I didn't want to get my hopes up. The nurse checked me and I had dilated to a 7 which is progress because I had been sitting at a 6 for a week. They were going to wait a bit and check me again before making the decision to call my doctor. The next time they checked I had moved to an 8, and at that point she said it was going to happen that night and they were calling my doctor as we spoke. I then started crying as I called my my mom to let her know it was going down. She was up there within 30 mins and so was my doctor. My husbands family had gathered in the waiting room. My dad was trying to rush off of work to make it but we were not sure he would get there in time.

When my doctor came in she checked me again and at that point asked if I wanted the epideral, and of course I said yes. The anesthesiologist was a really nice old man that decided joking about it being his third day would lighten the mood, but in reality only made me more nervous. I was freaking out and when I decided to look at my husband for comfort he was making a motion to my mom about how big the needle was. I about died! But the stick wasn't that bad and I started feeling pretty good when the meds kicked in. They kept asking me to move my legs and I could move a little but didn't feel a thing.

The doctor decided to go ahead and break my water, but when she did Kaylee started dropping down the canal fast and it was time. They put an oxygen mask on me and propped up my legs to start pushing. Kaylee came flying out about 15-20 mins later. When I say flying I literally mean she popped out very fast. I had more doctors than normal in my room due to my daughters circumstance with the heart defects. So they let me hold her for about 5 seconds and then rushed her to the NICU.

Everyone always talks about labor being horrible, but what they don't tell you is the afterwards is what you don't want to go through. The stitches from tearing, bleeding for weeks, burning while peeing, pain to walk, and then the breast milk comes in :/. Your adrenaline is going full force while in labor and afterwards you just crash. After the doctor came in to talk to us about what they were doing with Kaylee I passed out and nothing woke me up all night. You prepare to have your baby for 9 months and then it happens and your amazed at how fast everything goes by.

Your Baby has Heart Defects

The day we found out that my daughter had two heart defects and had to have heart surgery shortly after being born was the beginning of the long journey that has come to be our life. Having doctors tell you that they are sending you to a specialist because something doesn't look right but they are not exactly sure what it is will knock a hole in your heart.

My OB sent me to a high risk pregnancy doctor to have a sono done and then he sent me to the cardiologist where we found out that our daughter had a VSD (hole in her heart) and (at the time we thought) a coarchtation (her aortic arch was too small at a point). When I left that office I was in a million pieces. I called my parents to give them the news and I lost it. I couldn't stop crying. All I could think about was what she was going to have to go through and that she wasn't/ this pregnancy wasn't going to be normal. At that point I officially became a high risk pregnancy which meant more visits and sonos on a regular basis.

There is nothing anybody can say or do to make the sadness go away after learning news like this. I had a period of time where I was most certainly depressed and it was all I could think of, but you get to a point where it doesn't matter. You will do anything for your child and will be there for them no matter what the case may be. It took my quite awhile to get there, but once I did I was able to start prepare myself for what was to come next.

2 Weeks on Bedrest at the Hospital

I went into preterm labor at 32 weeks and ended up lasting 2 weeks before my daughter decided it was time. Being on bed rest in a hospital causes so many different emotions that anybody that has never had to experience it before could ever understand.

I was not allowed to get up to shower or use the restroom for fear of it causing my water to break. So that meant bed pans and sponge baths from the nurses. I feel horrible for the nurses that have to deal with that on a normal basis. You feel so helpless because you cannot do anything.

It's mixed emotions in which you want your baby to get as much time as they can to grow, but then you hate being stuck there and just want it to happen so you can go home. I went through so many ups and downs during my stay and cried more times than I can count. I hated that this was happening to me and my baby. Why did we deserve to go through this?

My husband was great and brought me food and stayed with me most nights. It can get very lonely up there all day by yourself. Having visitors is nice, but you end up feeling bad because you know they are there because they feel bad for you and how bored they must be just sitting there. Why don't you just sleep you ask? You try sleeping with a blood pressure cuff squeezing your arm every hour, IV in your other arm, blood circulating cuffs on your legs that are not comfortable, monitors on your stomach to monitor baby, and nurses coming in every few minutes to check on you. And don't even think eating is an option if your having a baby, yes that means liquid only diet (if you get that) which is just about torture. I had to be given magnesium shots in order to speed up the development of my daughters lungs, but that stuff makes you feel horrible and like you are burning up. All in all I would not wish bed rest upon my worst enemy.